Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Buck Toothed Beauty
Not Quite Hasidic

I just half-played with myself to this friendster profile Gawker uncovered of one of the judges on America's Next Top Model.

Half-played---you know like when you're sitting there and touching yourself slightly but you still haven't quite made the full commitment to go through a whole session? Its sort of like enjoying the vista but not leaving your jeep? All guys know what I'm talking about.

I found him to be so incredibly attractive on television...yes I'm a sick sick man.


Mr. Reality Show Reject and I both caught a television preview of a movie called When Do We Eat?

After the preview was over, we sat there, aghast, bewildered, and then strangely--as if the world made a little bit more sense.

"Oh my G-d, that could TOTALLY WORK!" He shouted. For you see the movie is a Jewish Family Seder comedy. It is a Jewish Madea's Family Reunion. My Big Fat Fucking Jewish Dinner

Judging solely by the preview, the Jewness quotient in the movie is high--or at the very least higher than is usually expected in a major motion picture. They aren't hassidic, but they're Jewy enough that you just about know what the Jew is going on.

I'm not anti-semitic in the least bit, but I will say that there is no way in hell I'll watch that movie in a crowded theater. Jehova knows who's going to be targeting those theaters, and I don't want a night at the cinema to turn into a night where I'm stampeded by 50 crazed Jewish people who are now trapped in a clammy dark room like in Auschwitz with flames and torpedoes going off every which way.

I would honestly rather watch Madea's Family Reunion in the Bronx where I can at least get shot to death like a regular person instead of getting involved in some HOLY WAR!


-The Review