Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Mr. Reality Show Reject Departs
A Friend Moves A Trainride Away So I Get Dramatic

I am saddened to report the sad departure of my friend and neighbor Mr. Reality Show Reject...

No he didn't pass away, but he has been sent to a fate worse than blech; he moved to Long Island today with his Puerto Rican husband and miniature black terrier.

Actually the new apartment is enormous and the surrounding environs are pleasant if not a bit eerie. While perched on their window I noticed old people and young drunken party chicks trotting around the street just below their apartment, and they all wore white shirts.

"Must be some sort of cult" Mr. Reality Show Reject said.

I thought I had spotted my first black man after 30 minutes, but quickly realized it was only an enormous white man wearing a fedora and a ghastly black beard that covered most of his face.

The Rican and Mr. Reality Show will be wed sometime next year, and this looks like the first step into the depressing dark suburban lifestyle most of us only dream about, and I feel very happy for them but saddened that my meals won't be provided for, and that there will be less "Pots Of The Day" if you catch my drift (which you don't so don't worry).

I will miss his rendition of "Niggers in the Night," and his watermelon eating highly offensive novelty negro salt and pepper shakers (tar babies I believe they call them), and I will miss the Rican almost killing his tiny terrier by dropping a box on him, and I will miss the 100th viewing of that fucking godawful movie Superstar which they'd both memorized.

But nay, you may wonder, is it safe for me to reveal what moderately successful Reality Show my good friend Mr. Reject made a splash on? No no afraid not, knowing might just Rocco your world.

The Best Of Mr. Reality Show Reject

And for your reading pleasure, culled from the archives, the best of Mr. Reality Show Reject:

My stoner neighbor

The FOB Debate

Jews On TV

The pigeons outside are fucking

And The Rise And Fall of Yasmine Bleeth