Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Mating Rituals of Breeders

I was watching Dig! this strung out saturday at Aussie Flapper Girl's place while she was at a bar enjoying "World Cup Soccer."

I'm going to highly recommend this docu-drama even though it made me feel like an asshole by proxy.

There's something about self-referencial post-modern retro rock bands that makes me feel scummy inside, but there's nudity and drug use in the movie that makes up for it.

Aussie flapper girl rushed in with a tall European boy and they both lept onto me crushing my stomach with glee as I shook his hand, they'd just witnessed their favorite soccer team (the UK?) win a match of the world cup, and they were appropriately enough drunk at 10 in the morning.

"If you fix me a bloody mary I'll be fine," I said in a hoarse voice, which made Aussie flapper girl jump off my stomach and run to the kitchen.

He was wearing texas-sized boots and a lone star belt buckle. He had just flown in from Dallas where he said he witnessed racism against black people at a country club. I assured him that "we take care of and loved our niggers here in New York."

From then on it was full-blown fun chaos. They spooned as I got more beers, he invited me to Berlin at one point, then later on he demonstrated how a friend of his tried sucking his own penis by hoisting his feet up to a wall and covering it with dirt from his boots (aussie flapper girl wasn't pleased).

I initially thought Aussie Flapper Girl liked the guy but she seemed increasingly distant from him as the day went on. It got to the point where I was put in a position to forcibly cock block him as she wouldn't let me leave!

Luckily they did exchange phone numbers and left each other awkwardly. I gaped at Aussie flapper Girl in disbelief, "what was that all about? why were you so scared."

She said she liked him almost too much and so she hesitated. It was like we were in two seperate worlds and I'd just gotten a portal glimpse into 'Girlandia' which isn't full of sugar plums and candy canes.

Had that been me I would have taken the boy down in a second, but a girl's interior design seems so complex that they aren't even fully aware of what's going on it seems.


Gay singer Kevin Aviance recovering from a beating, on the upside you know this is great press for his new album. Heyooooo!

Ok, but really, I hope he gets better and hope those boys get properly sodomized without lube in prison.

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