Monday, June 05, 2006

Superman Is A Flaming Heterosexual
or
Superman Has A Jew-Fro


How Will a Gay Icon Fly at the Box Office? - Los Angeles Times

No one suggests that Superman in "Superman Returns" is, in fact, gay. But, as several entertainment and cultural writers have noted, superheroes hold obvious - and growing - gay appeal. In addition to being strikingly good-looking, the characters often are portrayed as alienated outsiders, typically leading double lives. In the case of Superman, the beefcake character historically has struggled with romance, all the while running around in a skin-tight suit.

I met one such beefcake person at last night's Queens Pride festival, although he wasn't strikingly good-looking so much as drunk off his ass swigging down a gallon full of cheap red wine, which would be a bit more apropos when describing a gay beefcake.

But poor boy scout Superman is getting a bum rap by the butch LA Times (the real man's newspaper). Several issues I have with the Superman is gay angle come to mind.

First and foremost, Superman is a Jew (there I admitted it) and his original struggle was comparable to the Jew coming to America.

Secondly, Lois Lane is just a frigid bitch, ok?

And while it may be that cone-pone down-home midwestern boys act all uppity around homos, the truth of the matter is that they'll respect someone who's proud and doesn't take any lip from the likes of bashers and Braniac, so Superman's box office status will be just fine.

It will--however--be interesting to watch if America wholeheartedly rejects an all-American patriotic movie just because there's a vague-at-best connection between Superman and rampant secret homosexuality.

It could just be that we have reached a milestone in this country, where young people of today can see that patriotism and good American moral values are in fact...ghey...and not just simply "retarded."

The two slang terms get mixed up, here's the clarification. Batman Forever is retarded, the The Wedding Crashers is ghey.

Superman 64 for the Nintendo 64 was both ghey AND retarded, so this movie could go either way.
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Other Things That "hold obvious - and growing - gay appeal."

-The Washington Monument
-Star Trek
-Kevin Zegers
-The Howard Stern Logo
-Anal Sex
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