Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Pineapple Face
Much Ado About Vice

On Olmos starring in the Miami Vice remake.

...the filmmakers sent an offer to Edward James Olmos to reprise his role as the never-not-brooding, pineapple-faced Lieutenant Martin Castillo. He declined and reportedly had his agent send a VHS to the offices of Universal Pictures. It contained a 20-minute loop in which Olmos silently stared into the camera in absolute disgust

Man, what a fucking pisser. I'm starting to like Pineaple-face, which is what he will be known as from now on.

Pineapple face...

I just realized how utterly insane that Ignore Magazine article is. Head here for an english translation of the article.

I just found reader response to the Ignore Mag Miami Vice feature.

From Aaron "Hungwell" via email
This article made my brain hurt. Like Mark Twain, I also find the English language and its peculiar vernaculars fascinating, but no over-used slang term attached to aviator sunglasses will make one a
hipster. The points of this article were so abscured by this clunky clap-trap of a review that it came across as MySpace fashionista-esque explorations into mental masturbation; a pseudo-review for the "HotTopic/Urban Outfitters" Jet-Set.

I sort of enjoyed the coke-fueled ramblings on Miami Vice myself.

From David via email
The inanity and sheer buttfuckery of your writing style leads me to believe you were left mentally retarded in childhood as a result of some sort of head trauma, and given how much you seem to love punishing would-be readers with said style, I believe you did it to yourself, perhaps while attempting masturbation with a tire iron. I do not know what crack-whore children such as you did in your neighbourhood for fun back in the 70s and 80s, but your case is a shining example to the world on just how much brain damage can be done if one's mind is truly set upon the task. The article drips with malformed metaphors and words such as "shit-log", and leads the reader on a winding path through the drug-addled mind of the desperately retarded. Woe to the person who tries to make sense of anything there. The subject matter is not even terribly clear. In your role as writer for this magazine however, let me be the first in a very long line to call you and your illustrator miserable failures worthy of any and all ridicule and vile criticism you may receive.

Buttfuckery? Shit-log? I nomimate this entire article and responses to be the most important writing of our generation.

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