Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Panic in New York
or
...We'll Meet Again...


While galavanting throughout the city attempting to keep my hair in place, I learned that a plane had crashed into a building.

The city was noticeably perturbed by the news, so I ran to the nearest computer console (at work) and checked it out.

To my dismay I discovered, and it is imperative to hammer this point home, that we were under attack by terrorist Yankee pitchers.

The world has gone seemingly mad, overrun by sexually frustrated conservatives fondling pages, massacres and torture in Iraq, planes being flown into New York buildings by members of our own BASEBALL TEAM, a standing president with dementia, and the little puppet villain from Team America (allegedly) detonating a nuke in Korea somewhere.

The short of it is this: Clinton shrewdly manipulated Kim Jong into docile mood with a bunch of diplomacy, once he was gone, Bush pushed him aside, didn't like that he starved his people, pronounced him as part of the axis of evil, the guys from South Park made fun of him (which was the LAST STRAW), and now he's all like "fuck you guys, I got nukes."

Slate has an informative rundown of our current North Korea has nukes scenarios, all bad they say. I'm hopeful though that one good scenario remains, take it away Dr. Strangelove: