Saturday, January 20, 2007

LTR Oriented
or
I Am Flicka


When eventually I'm put in charge of a float for the NYC gay pride parade (lord knows how--or if I'd even like--to get those powers) I will make THE float we've all been waiting for.

The Not-Boyfriend Material Float

My family might have freaked with joy when their country of Guatemala gathered enough money to produce its own float during a particularly memorable LA New Years Day Rose parade, but that will be nothing compared to the splendor of my float.

We'll have heroin/crystal meth addicts, in-the-closet questioning bisexuals, emotionally stunted shirtless 24-year-olds, all built on a float resembling an after-hours bareback club with a giant statue of me holding a glass of wine. My statue would consist of 1,000,000 macadamia nuts.

I am, decidedly, assuredly, not boyfriend material.

I sincerely lack the glazed brain-dead look of love in my eyes, and the faux-feeling of sympathy when I see my lover is bored in a particular situation. Instead, you spend several minutes with me and you end up in some pill-popping East Village maniac's apartment who only moved in there because he seduced the old woman who used to live there.

And he wanted flapper girl and I to stay...yikes sorry, I saw Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I know how this ends.

I'm not boyfriend material because Jase graciously invited me to his boyfriend's birthday party, and there were various couples around me being lovey-dovey and sweet, and I was busy strolling out with a couple of good-time people.

We smoked pot in Times Square, then went back to the bar!

I'm not boyfriend material, but I am most decidedly a wild runaway horse not unlike Flicka, just waiting for that little girl to tame me, though in my case I'd replace the little girl with a very tall blonde Australian or the boy from Los Angeles who fronts a band and introduced me to my new favorite shot...

Ah yes, I am Flicka, or at the very least hung like him. Might as well start that rumor now huh?

BTW Here's a picture of a Crocodile's penis for you.
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Notes

I'd just like to take the time to show my appreciation to The Pretty Boys Club whose freakish readers have been hitting this blog harder than frat boys on a passed out black coke whore!

Check out Qr Blog I'm spreadin' like a disease an' shit.

Oh and my new favorite shot that I reference is the Fernet-Branca, very popular in San Fran and only just now getting good in NY. I HIGHLY recommend you try it, it is like Absinthe's more polite little brother. Hitler allegedly slurped it up before speeches, just throwin' that out there.
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