Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Valentine's Sick Day
or
My Love List




I was having the worst Valentine ever, and it isn't because no one could possibly love me as a human being (I came to terms with that a long time ago), but its because I've been ill recently.

I stayed in bed today surrounded by chocolates though.

At any rate, I WAS having the worst Valentine ever, but I sort of got into the spirit of it all a little late into the day. I feel there is a genuine air of romance this valentines, unlike most of the fake other ones.

I can feel it from my sick bed.

I wanted to share my current love list, I'm sure you'll find it to be a potpourri of the absurd.

1. The Office Romance.

I have one problem here, and it sounds typical at first. He's so cute and so my type (artsy, disheveled, awkward) but he doesn't know I exist!

My problem is unique however because I'm unarguably the most interesting person you'll ever meet in your life, so its become pretty obvious that he's trying his DAMNED HARDEST to avoid mild contact with me lest my charms sear into him like God seared into Sodom and Gommorrah.

I'm the most personable person in that place, so its very unfortunate for him, but I know he craves me from the corner of his eyes.

2. The Blonde Bartender.

Easily the greatest looking sweetest boy in existence. The only thing separating our willing groins was a sturdy tabletop bar and thin strands of pants. He had long shaggy hair, would smile when he saw me, hold my shoulder...sigh!

He was straight and allegedly married though, nevertheless I got him to give me his number and kiss me on the cheek one time.

He disappeared from the club he managed and I haven't seen or heard from him again.

I could have gotten him. Here's a great interpretation of us using clips from Another Gay Movie. The bartender looks like the "jock" character only with a smaller nose and blonde hair.

3. Lead Singer of a Band.

He said I was amazing, I said he should write a song about me that makes it to the top 40...like how Uptown Girl was written about Christie Brinkley.

He lives in LA of course so the relationship has a whole continent in it just wedging its inner workings. Le sigh.

Viva le amour though!
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Notes

Fox News version of The Daily Show Yikes!

The hippest babysitter in brooklyn, he's gay and slightly creepy. A potential number 4 on the list above.

"I hate gay people" says Tim Hardaway. What a coincidence, I hate basketball players. They often stare at me when I'm in the showers and make me feel totally uncomfortable. (found here)
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