Thursday, April 26, 2007

Film
or
Geek Porn


Television is an enormous waste of time. I have reached this conclusion while staring deep into Brian William's dead lifeless face during the Nightly News. I knew television was a waste of time during the fifth commercial of the latest sleeping pill.

The one with the glowing butterfly.

"Did you see Keith Olberman last night?" A colleague asks me...

NO! While I appreciate Olberman's rants, I can watch them on youtube or find the gist of it plastered on a Huffingtonpost.com's headline.

We should abandon television and turn towards the wave of the future, and that is: FILM!

Movies movies, cinema, the silver screen, theater, porn, 2 HOUR LONG EPICS.

I wanted to warn you of three in particular. The first one is on DVD now, it is called Bobby. It is a film that takes place during Bobby Kennedy's assassination. It is a shit movie. It was directed by Emilio Estevez, now you know why it is shit.

The only worthwhile scene in Bobby is between Sharon Stone and Demi Moore. Watch it here and save yourself the trouble:



Wasn't that great?

The second movie is Hot Fuzz. It is second only to the Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie in terms of sheer comedic genius.

Comedic. Genius.

COMEDIC.

The problem with the movie Hot Fuzz is that no reviewer can tell you why the movie is so great without spoiling the movie. I don't have this problem because you've either seen the movie by now or have no interest in seeing it, so here comes a spoiler:

The third act in the film is a spectacular never-before-seen epic standoff between the police force and all of the elderly people in the city, complete with Jerry Bruckheimer-esque money shots and MTV styled gunplay editing.

I took Jase to the U.S preview screening and snapped this picture of him with Simon Pegg, he's yet to say thank you properly to me. Ungrateful bastard.

The third movie is Spider-Man 3. My geek sense is going off on this one... I mean we have THREE villains here! And Gwen Stacey who--in the original comic--was Spidey's first girlfriend before Mary Jane. In the comics Gwen dies tragically, which I doubt happens in the movie. Also venom's in this one and his origin is ripped from the comics minus the hard-to-believe Secret Wars bullshit. I doubt they'll focus on Harry Osborne's drug habits in the film, but that's neither here nor there.

"Doesn't Spider-man turn into Venom in this one?" Asked the-boy-who-has-no-nickname-yet.

"No damnit, he just gets the black suit. Parker's nemesis--Eddie Brock--becomes Venom."

We're going to have to work on him.

2 comments:

David said...

You went without me?

You are dead to me.

Deviant said...

I saved you the trouble of meeting our creepy old friend.