Saturday, April 28, 2007

The Reverse Orgasm
Please Don't Kill Yourself

"It's not like I could go ahead with killing myself." Fly G told me while placing his hand near his wrist. "But sometimes I can understand WHY a person would want to end their life."

He said this over dinner last night. My buddy was in pretty bad shape after having gone through a panic attack.

Of course I reassured him that there were other ways to kill yourself apart from slitting the wrists....there's carbon monoxide to the face, overdose on some of the pills he's got...

"I'm tired of going to work and wasting my mind and talents on serving people. I feel like I can do so much more. I'm also a sex addict." He said.

Fly G had suffered a panic attack that felt like a seizure while he was at home two nights ago. He described a panic attack to me thusly:

Its like being on a bad rollercoaster, you approach the peak and you know what's coming and you're scared for your life. The anxiety reaches an apex and you tumble down into panic like a free fall.

"Its like a reverse orgasm then? An evil orgasm." I said.

He was slightly loopy on medication so I don't think he caught that.

At any rate I did what any good friend such as myself would do, I ordered a giant bottle of red wine to guzzle down with our dinner. Then we went to Billy's Bakery and ordered two giant slices of wedding cake.

"There now see? You have a boyfriend in Brazil, wedding cake in your mouth, and me by your side. No reason to kill yourself, other than enormous debt."

All in all we done good, and I feel it finally happened. You know, I feel like an adult. Ok, I feel like I'm in my infancy as an adult, but I think this is it man, I won't feel any more mature than I feel now.

Fly G wanted to go to drag me to some sex party that was hosted by someone from the film Shortbus, I wouldn't be caught fucked there.

Fly G stayed home and so did I. It was around midnight when my roommate knocked on my door and told me the bathroom floor was dirty. She used a swiffer mop and showed me the dirt under it.

I told her it was really late and left her in the bathroom holding the mop. Talk about people who should kill themselves.


-Guatemala denies entry to the Anti-Christ. I love my bloody country.

-This is awkward

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