Thursday, July 05, 2007

Georgia
or
My Trip To Atlanta




Yes the rumors are true, yours truly had a very quaint business trip to Atlanta recently.

I adore business trips! I've been on several and they never fail to impress. It was a business trip that introduced me to my first love, New York, and it was a business trip during this last Pride festival that introduced me to a new pleasure, the Hot Atlanta 2$ Sangria special.$$

Several of my comrades and I landed in Atlanta for the Electronic Educational Expo ("I'll learn ya good!") but little did we all know what surprise awaited us...

"You staying at the Wyndham? Ooh well you do know that its Gay Pride and that that Hotel is the MAIN parade area!?" exclaimed my outgoing coworker's outgoing mother.

"Well, there won't be a shortage of liquor then will there!" I said as I winked to my straight coworker who gave me a sheepish grin.

We reached the Hotel and sure enough it was fag central! Skinny boys in shorts, skinny boys in tanks, skinny boys with really awful gay haircuts. If there's one good thing to say about gays, is that we're skinny god damnit.

My boss and coworker, both straight, hauled our luggage up to the elevator. My straight coworker could be mistaken for an alterna-queer, and my boss was the spitting image of my big lovable french daddy, so it was with trepidation that we stepped into the elevator with the sloppiest sluttiest queer couple I've ever seen...

You know the type, one is really young and would look really hot if he hadn't waxed off his eyebrows, and his hubby is a little too old to be dressed like THAT.

Right off the bat I got hit on by the couple. Granted they waited till my coworker and boss departed the elevator.

"You staying up in that floor all by yourself?" The younger one cooed.

"Yeah! Looks like it." I said.

"Not for long!" The older one said, and they both giggled.

I can flirt really well, but I can't make the move from "hello" to "lets go up to my room and stick dicks in our ears" quite as suavely as most people can, so we just exchanged some small talk and they ran off.

So much for sluttiness and gonorrhea.

I mainly hung out with Matt(s) who I think I can link to here but you can't be sure since they're always deleting profiles and starting up new blogs like they're in the witness protection program.

Matt(s) and I had 2$ sangrias. They drove me around Atlanta drunk, and we played virtual bowling at the local dive drunk. They drove me home and I swear that one of the Matt(s) was driving while sleeping...and drunk. We spotted a white woman hanging out with a large black man on a balcony, and I told the boys "looks like someone's getting raped tonight!" Only I realized that I didn't so much say that to the boys as shout it out the driver side window loud enough for the couple to hear and look at our car.

We sped off.

Atlanta Georgia has three very interesting things going for it: a lot of white people, a lot of black people, and a parkway named Bobby Brown. Driving through the historical portion of the city revealed many old cottages and large luxurious houses which resembled plantations.

You could hear the slave bells ringing dimly from the past.

I looked out over my Hotel window onto the street where the main Pride route would drive through in the late afternoon, and I saw the whites and blacks mingling in a modern Atlanta, the international hub of the south.

It was a beautiful site, and a beautiful city, its just too bad that all the people there are inbred.
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Notes

In and Out's Secret Menu This is like finding out about the Konami code....ONLY IN REAL LIFE!
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3 comments:

bagel of everything said...

Thanks for the props, handsome.

When are you going to send us a submission?!

Deviant said...

I didn't even know you took submissions. I can write you up something.

bagel of everything said...

We do a contributor post about once a week.

We've just lost our left-wing Jewish team member, and are down to just us 3 straight, Christian-raised right wing freaks. We soooo need new voices to keep us in check.

Also, you are insane, sexy, and weird. Blogging trifecta!