Friday, September 14, 2007

Panda Diplomacy
or
I Choose To Ignore This


"1,300 years of global diplomacy ends for China's giant pandas," according to The Guardian



Pandas are lazy, dirty, and a burden on the economy, and I am glad the global community will stop diplomatic relations with these animals.

This fits in nicely with a new way of life that surpasses the zen of....well Zen I suppose.

It is a little technique I'm working on called "I Choose To Ignore This."

Here's how it works.

You take something that's bothering you, and you analyze it, if this problem is of no greater consequence to your immediate well-being, and if you feel that pondering and troubling yourself with this problem is damaging to your mental health, just figuratively take this problem and say "I Choose to Ignore This."

And it works...

Case in point. I went out a couple of times once with a manic-depressive non-commital trainwreck. Twice or thrice, he would send me these paragraphs over instant messenger expressing how weird he was, how he didn't want to date anyone, how he wouldn't return my calls due to his anxiety...and guess what? I chose to ignore that.

And shortly thereafter we had a LOVELY date!

I had a thousand things to do today at work , but it's Friday and it's getting in the way of my enjoyment...so what do I do?

I choose to ignore this, and here I am now pleasantly full and in a vivacious mood.

My soon to be ex-roommate sent me a cunty email today listing items she said I should pay for before moving out, and that will presumably be coming out of my security deposit that she's supposed to give me back upon moving out...

I choose to ignore this.

I'm using the deposit for my last month's rent and I'll be gone and away before she comes snooping through my wallet!

Many people already do this, but it's a lot more fun to raise your nose up, flick your hand forward in defiance, and say "I choose to ignore this" when you feel like it.

Try it! It works!
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Notes...

Must-do's for a loved one with an illness. What I learned from this article; doctors and nurses will do their best to main and kill your cancer stricken child. Fight them at all costs.

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7 comments:

bagel said...

That's...
that's just the gayest fucking thing I've ever heard.
Now, since I know you're ignoring this, I can tell you how I really feel. Under all your cynicism, you have a good heart. You may well be the second coming of Johnathan Swift. Except that you're a filthy hispanic. And also the gay stuff.

Deviant said...

I'm choosing to ignore everything before "second coming." Plus, your September 11th entry is officially the fucking gayest thing I've ever seen.

Nigga please.

bagel said...

When vaginally-positive people do something effeminate, it isn't gay.

"officially the fucking gayest thing I've ever seen"

Like, more gay than you rubbing your overgrown clit in front of the mirror, watching mexican bear vhs porn? Cuz, um, yeah...that's pretty gay. Now, I feel bad.

bagel said...

Damn, that was mean. (hott, tho)
It's my 'not a nice person' week.
I'll likely be crying over something random later. It'll be fun.

David said...

It may be mean, bagel, but it totally made my day.

WDL said...

I don't get it at all.

Somehow the more I know Kvn is an alcoholic Mexican pornographer - the more I want to sleep with him.

Isn't life strange?

xo,
WDL

Deviant said...

I'm SOOO NOT mexican.