Monday, September 17, 2007

The Cool New Apartment

I am elated to report that yours truly has finally found the coolest apartment to live in, and I will shortly acquiesce my current abode to my she-bitch Jew devil roommate (I checked one night, and indeed, she has the horns).

That's right, no more loudly playing Hitler's speeches in elaborate intimidation games!

In all actuality, I don't hate her because she's a Jew. I hold no grudge against people of that particular faith...I mainly hold grudges against people of any religious faith, but that's another story.

I don't hate her because she's a Jew, I hate her because she's a blonde, and blonde people are the stupidest people in the world, which is ironic because blondes killed Jews--and I mean that in the Alanis Morrisette sense of Ironic, which is "not at all."


I received the following email from my roommate, a snippet of it I present here:

"Excellent, glad it all worked out! So, if you move out on Friday Sept. 21st, your deposit will have gone toward 21 days of rent. leaving only $247.50 toward the items you need to reimburse me for. The items total $470. You would then owe me the difference of 222.50 Plus, con ed, from the last reading date till now is 98.87... your half is 49.44 so, you will owe me $271.94.

A Saturday moveout, your deposit has gone toward 22 days rent leaving only $220 toward the items. That would be a difference of $250 + 49.44 =$299.44.

I will need to be here to collect the keys/check from you so do please let me know your plans."

Strike my last comment about her being blonde, I hate her because she's a jew.


My word of the week, includes Asian slurs.


bagel said...

Is it me, or does Adolf look a lil like Charlie Chaplin?
I'm pretty sure I heard a laugh track.

MrsMelvin said...

Blonds ARE the servants of the devil. Congrats on your escape!

GrooveTheory said...

acquiesce?? damn! you made me go to this late!

anyway, I guess congrats on the new abode. it won't be too long until you make it a brothel.

bagel said...

Look into which utilities are prepaid for the month. Many are.

WDL said...

G-d, Costa Ricans are so touchy.


Deviant said...

I'm sure she'll miss my late night hustling sessions