Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Dog Days
The Crying Gnome

If I had a dollar for every dog I gave away once I was tired of their yapping, I'd have 3 dollars.

But I'm not here to talk about dogs because--well who cares about them really? Its not like dogs are people, or even midget people, they're just something humans threw together one day to make themselves feel better.

Cheer Up Emo Kid

I'm glad the agency nabbed the dog she gave away, because Ellen could have actually just dropped it off the local Chinese fast food joint, or worse yet, someone who sympathizes with Michael Vick (someone in the deep south more likely than not).

What I've learned from all of this is that--indeed--even lesbians can be emotionally manipulative people just as much as their counterparts with functioning vaginas. The agency's problems might have lied in not thoroughly checking Ellen out as they may have been dazzled by her celebrity, but they had every right to reclaim the dog that Ellen gave away to lord know's who.

Shame on Ellen, and shame on America.

Here is my list of people who pose the most danger to dogs in order from worst to least:

1. Chinese restaurant owners
2. Michael Vick (i.e All Black People)
3. Lesbians
4. Cats


Soylent Ape said...

I don't know if she was being manipulative, because I saw her sitcom and she couldn't act her way out of a dental dam. Still, shame on her, anyway, because while she was getting verklemmt in front of the camera, her lawyers were leaning heavily on the agency behind it. But, she's a rich celebrity and, therefore, not subject to the same contractual laws the rest of us are, innit?

David said...

Never underestimate the dangerous power of a cat.

Deviant said...

Don't underestimate lesbians!