Thursday, October 04, 2007

Memories
or
My New Furry Boyfriend




This is my jam. When I was a little boy I used to dance with my Grandma to this song. We danced until she got Alzheimer's and dementia and we had to send her to a cheaply priced home in Guatemala where they had to tie her down to a chair to prevent her from beating up the nurses.

Its funny how memories can come rushing back to you with a simple piece of music, its like I never left Los Angeles!

So I got a boyfriend. He's small furry and fits into small places.

Surprise! Ok my boyfriend is actually a mouse, and I'm going to kill him.

Thus far, the little rodent believes he still lives in my abode, failing to notice that I'm the big new guy in town, and that he should exit stage right as Snagglepuss or Top Kat or one of those horrible Hannah Barbera cartoons used to say.

Thus far I've left, 5 glue traps, two plastic non-lethal snap traps, and two lethal wooden snap traps, all carefully arranged around my room in order to kill this intrepid invader.

Nevertheless, he managed to bump around several glue traps, and avoid all the plastic ones. It does seem that I have put the fear of God in him as he ran out of my room last night and has not returned.

My room is now a mouse's version of an Arcade trap house!

Mouse, you are no match for my killer instincts and elaborate traps. You will rue the day you tangoed with the alcohol fueled Mouse-hunter extraordinaire.

((bares fangs))

4 comments:

bagel said...

You should borrow a cat.
Not only will it catch the mouse, but it will torture it for your entertainment.

David said...

It's Snagglepuss.

If you had a cat, the problem would be non-existent.

Laurie Kendrick said...

Catch him, then emasculate him by tying him down, then spreading his little mouse hind legs far, far apart.

Once spread, start making fun of his rodentalia. Yeah, mice are notorious for A) having small cocks and B) being very sensitive about it.

A good mouse mocking for a few minutes and that piece of shit penis with tiny fur and tusks will leave your domicile but good!!

Deviant said...

Thus far the mouse has eluded me :( :( I've resorted to wooden traps!