Monday, October 22, 2007

Praise Jesus And The Horse He Rode In On

Church was a little scary this last Sunday, and I'm pretty sure its because I brought a Jew.

One Atheist heathen is alright, but two heathens and everyone is walking on egg shells.

Jay Bakker, son of Jim, arrived and talked about Jesus. My Jew friend and I were in the corner talking about how creepy everyone was. It was like your father has been away for a long time, and now that he's back you're on your best behavior because otherwise mom wakes up with visible bruises on her face.

Even Le Fred, who is typically just as blase about Church/bar as I am, had his head down in semi-serious ponderance during Jay Bakker's mutterings. He was back from his mother's funeral, she was the make up lady Tammy Faye. I still remember her moribund appearance on Larry King. She looked like a freeze frame of the Nazi's whose faces melted off at the end of Indiana Jones when they opened the Ark of the Covenant.

Because of Jay Bakker's return, we managed to gather up a large group of people. One of them was a very interesting Straight russian emigrant who obviously had a crush on me, and the second was a chinese boy.

Now I don't want to generalize here, but you know how you either totally love or totally hate an Asian person? What I mean by that is that one can never have a mild opinion on an Asian, its either, "he is so delightful," or its "Oh lord die of SARS."

Well I met one who was a real asshole. He was prissy and rude, and would repeatedly warn me not to call my friend a Jew, like it was a BAD thing to call him a Jew.

And this is a real problem for me because, as you may or may not know, I am ill with my social anxiety. Any and all social situations cause me great stress and make me deathly nervous, so I have to overcompensate for being naturally shy...

...which is why I was stoned...

And then you have awfully fat Japs telling me what I can and cannot say! I can't handle this sort of pressure!

Nevertheless, the night didn't devolve into feminine fisticuffs. We rode away happy and drunk on cheap beer. I logged online and read Father Crisco's blog entry:

I have received a lot of love and encouragement from some dear atheist friends in the past months. By the time I get through sharing my view of love and God with them, they all tell me that they can believe in that kind of God.

Isn't that nutty? I'm sure I have inspired him with my EFFERVESCENCE, but no such admission has been made by me, I'm very proud of my atheist status thank you very much, and if you write me I will send you my non-existant atheist newsletter (I'm thinking of titling it "Its The Thought That Counts..." what do you think?).

Besides, I've READ the Da Vinci Code, and at the very least I saw the movie.

Father Crisco goes on about how the Atheists he's met, like yours truly, can be totally Christ-like. I'd say I'm even better than Christ because I actually exist and I don't smell like camel piss.


Harry and William's Homoerotic Prince Party. I love a good fagging.

Rome's red fountain Cool art boing boing sort of bullshit.

Mona Lisa secrets. The Davinci Load.

Philly is full of ugly people. Studies also show, conclusively, that fat people are faaaaaat.

New York geeks. I'm joining.


Too Hotty said...

Whoa, I also said nothing about believing in any God.

Do you call him Father Crisco for the reason I think you do?

Deviant said...

Yes :)

jOjo said...

you're not a nerd...

learn your place.

Deviant said...

I'm a geek?