Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Suicide Note
My Recent Great Experience With Lunch

I was tagged for a meme, and I wanted to do it because it was so clever and creative. The meme is to write my fictional suicide note. Here we go:


For Whosoever Finds This,

I would like to take this opportunity to inform you that my local Post Office has breached client/patient privileges and has REPEATEDLY tried contacting me via morse code as communicated by Al Roker's morning blinks.

Al Roker is a known member of the underground pharmaceutical movement and I have informed my local liege lord as to his true nature. I have also taken steps to ban the PRACTICE OF SNEEZING within our land of Pangea (400 Post-Christ).

In exchange for the trampling of this agent, I will note in the attached map the location of the 5 missing gook delivery men that are currently buried under my house.

I trust you understand why I will not be present to witness Al Roker's apprehension.

Edward Topo Gigo


Now wasn't that nice?

Speaking of suicide, couldn't you just die for a great lunch?

I had a wonderful lunch with Bogsworth III who is working for Google...that's right the search engine.

The Google offices make your job offices look like Auschwitz (that is assuming you don't work at Auschwitz, but I guess Auschwitz is Auschwitz regardless of whatever it is you're comparing it to).

I'm going to write a Yelp review about the experience which you'll never find, so I won't bother telling you how exquisite the experience was...

Ok it was awesome, and before you ask; no, I did not have to search for my food at the Google cafeteria, ok? We don't look kindly at that sort of bullshit at Google.

I did, however, "search" for Chinese people around their offices, and it looked like I must have omitted them as the 10 displayed in the cafeteria were all very similar.


Making love to the handicapped. Everyone needs some sweet loving!

Ron Perlman is a pedophile apparently Wow, my world has shattered. I thought he was just creepy fat guy who probably just owned child porn.


bagel said...

That suicide note was so excellent, it made me want to live!

Until I got to the googlteria part, and I realized I'll never get to eat in such a marvelous environment.

Remember kids: When slitting your wrists, its across the tracks, not down the road.

Racho said...

Haha I love that pic.

Jase said...

So they actually let you in that building?

Deviant said...

the idea of slitting wrists makes me irritable and nervous!