Monday, November 12, 2007

Lepers Can't Be Choosers
or
My Wii


I just stumbled onto some sad news today.

My old crush Daniel Vosovic seems to have a boyfriend of one year...

And he's butt ugly, he's the one that's smiling.

You balding bespectacled little weasel! A shame isn't it? I mean Daniel V is just a giant sweethearted young man, and here he is wasting his time with a sad sack, when he could be frolicking the countryside with someone more befitting of his looks and talents; me for instance!

Daniel Vosovic is exactly my type of boy, skinny, lanky, with long hair, and a huge nose. I think this year my one great romance was with one such boy. He had long hair like Dan V. and a charming face. He also had ass-herpes.

Can you imagine that? The ugly foul boy up there gets to romance Daniel Vosovic, and yours TRULY can't even keep a boy with anal herpes!!

I was, of course, very sensitive to Mr. Ass Herpes' health condition at the time of our soiree, but let's face it, lepers can't be choosers!

The world is not only unfair, my sweet, it also doesn't make any damn sense. I've come to believe now that males have absolutely no talent in spotting potential partners. I only know of ONE gay couple in my life who has it down perfect, the rest are a fraudulent mess, including the boys I've dated as they always end up NOT realizing how great of a catch I am.

Well moving on, I actually have some very exciting news. I bought a Wii, and I've been enjoying my reunion with Nintendo ever since.

My Wii came in a giant white box which I hauled with me onto the subway train. When I entered the train there were a group of Mexican men standing around near one of the entrances, and I hate to say it, but I felt wary of my Wii.

I moved the bag as far away from them as possible, walked as far from them as I could, and had an eye on them while cradling the Wii between my legs.

Mexicans steal.

Thankfully, I got home safely and with Wii in tow.

I think I've definitely learned a life lesson here, and that is: Happiness is in limited supply, so when you see other people being happy, they are actually stealing happiness away from you.

These people need to be destroyed before they steal some more of MY happiness.

2 comments:

bagel said...

That guy's head looks like a penis.
Science type people say that us women evolved our rounded knees and heartshaped asses to remind the straight boys of our fertile vaggies. Maybe nature is making gay men's heads look like cocks to remind you of um...wait, what were we talking about again?

Also, beware of all hispanics. They are thieves and hypocrites.

David said...

I think Kieran is kind of cute.