Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Jamie Lynn Spear's Pregnancy
Its Never Too Late For An Abortion

Little Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant ya'll!

Not since Hannah Montanah dated a black kid has the preteen world been rocked this hard. 16-year old little Spears discovered she was pregnant by her "not-so-serious" boyfriend recently.

What this means for little Spear's future is anyone's guess, but sources close to the stars claim she's thinking of moving back to Louisiana to live in a trailer by the Bayou and rassle some gators.

It might be too late for little Spears, but I would have gone the abortion route. After much thought I realized that I'm very much for abortion even though I concede it IS murder, still--its murder for something that is GROWING INSIDE YOU AND EATING YOUR SOUL.

Listen, murder is bad, but sometimes murder is warranted and perfectly acceptable, like the accidental murder of a mouse in your house. Hypothetically speaking, if a living being was growing on my head, I'd want to not only remove it and murder it in the process, but I'd want the thing lying on the ground so I could stomp it a couple of times just to make sure it was dead.

I see no difference between removing a growing lifeform on your head and forcibly removing a similar life form from one's uterus (assuming one has one).

Also, the chances of us killing the next Hitler actually grow with the number of abortions performed, and the Hitler gene is clearly visible in the Spears gene pool, so I'd like to strongly suggest this procedure to the little Nickelodeon she-devil.

I'd like also to inform the Catholic church that the The Golden Compass isn't the only thing that's Godless and hopeless on opening weekend if you catch my drift.


The Day the Music Industry Broke. I blame Radiohead.

Tribute to David Bowie

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