Thursday, December 20, 2007

Times Square Christmas Shopping
Charmins Makes Toilets Now

I'm convinced that Times Square is the place where country girls go to show off their cute but empty-headed looking country boyfriends. Everywhere I look there is a very un-eligible bachelor walking hand-in-hand with an obvious out of towner...

Unfortunately I work near the odious place, so after work I walked on over to Toys R Us to purchase my first official Christmas gift, which I will now reveal to you all Facebook style!

I purchased the slamming hot Sony Portable Speakers for my 16 year old sister who I came out to this year. Isn't it slamming and completely crunk? She can take it with her in cars, friend's houses, and school to use in conjunction with her iPod!

On my way out of Toys R Us I passed by the Charmin bathrooms and I wondered if it had turned into an anal sex den, but I imagine the Charmin company has that place locked up tighter than Alcatraz. Fortunately I didn't have to take a dump, so I ran away from there fast.

However, I think its a great idea that Charmin--a toilet paper company--has taken it upon themselves to set up very clean public poopers. If more marketing people had that creativity, then we'd have things like Vick's Vaporub Spas, Hot Pocket Pizzerias or Nickleodeon pregnancy kits (OWAAH!)

Is that Betty White inaugurating toilets?

There's more than one Naked Cowboy by the way. I'm sorry to destroy your world like that.

Later today I even wrote my first (and quite possibly last) missed connections Craigslist post! Enjoy!


Santa's Helicopter shot down by Brazilian drug traffikers. Show this article to your kids to explain why they didn't get a Wii this Christmas.

Man's skin color turns blue, moves out of Oregon because of skin prejudice. I suggest he join Professor Xavier's School for Gifted Blue Freak Muteys personally.


bagel said...

That Santa picture caught me off guard.

I loved your Miss d'Connection.
"I was the latino kid with the earphones"
In Manhattan? That oughta narrow it down.

Blue man should goto Vegas...I hear there's a support group

Deviant said...

How about "And I DIDN'T smell like 2 day old armpit?"

It isn't too late to edit.

Soylent Ape said...

I know that it's clean and safe and blah-dee-blah... What happened to the days when you could go to Times Square to get a gram of coke, a blowjob and religious advice--all from the same guy?

bagel said...


It's my birthday and it isn't your birthday cuz it's my birthday!

(That's much more clever when sung than typed)

David said...

You JUST came out to your 16 year old sister? Like she didn't smell it coming a mile off?

David said...

Oh, and that's Doris Robert inaugurating the bathrooms.

And while that isn't the original naked cowboy, I think he's hotter.

Deviant said...

The fact that its doris roberts makes that somehow worse.