Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Freak On A Leash
Realizing That Dumb Couples Are A Danger To You

I generally have to put up with a lot when using public transportation; from the unpleasant scent of old women, to seeing fat people kiss, and so I applaud the English bus driver who kicked out Daniel Graves and his girlfriend-on-a-leash from his bus.

The couple is trying to sue now, or rather, they are announcing to all media outlets that they are thinking of suing (after consulting a Ouija board or something).

Amidst the gobblydeegoop of absurd accusations comes this fine nugget of wisdom from the operations director of the bus line:

"Our primary concern is passenger safety...It could be dangerous for the couple and other passengers if a driver had to brake sharply while Miss Maltby was wearing the lead."

Here's my upcoming goth-thriller fan-fic which takes place on that bus while the Revolution is happening around us:

"I look out upon the bus window and see only bleak darkness for miles around our periphery. I realize with dread that--not only is the road ahead gone--but that the rioters have taken out all street lights and are fast approaching. 'Step on it,' I urge the bus driver, and he accelerates violently. From the front of the bus a couple stumbles backwards, the leash between them slashes by my neck, decapitating me.

I am an ironically dead narrator, like the Kevin Spacey narrator in American Beauty. [spoilers]"

Yes our world is surrounded by dumb people, but when those people couple up, they are a danger to us all. We must be ever vigilante to seek them out and neutralize their dumb asses for the good of humanity.



New Yorker Eustace Tilley entries. I did not submit my serial killer Tilley for fear that it would become New Yorker property. It still rules though.

Reporters make reverse-oreo on CNN. Wow controversy!

Australia to apologize to Aborigines Yeah they're sorry alright, sorry for how they smell! Booyah! Hmmm isn't it about time America apologize to its blacks? Man up America!


bagel said...

Look! I'm an emo-goth!

wrapped up strong in lies and secrets
i dig, claw, waste, a hole
warm and alone
where i can ...undress

if you'll keep crying
ill bring you water, and salt, and meat
please keep crying
so that i can be strong forever

Lol! Bad poetry is the new good poetry.

Deviant said...

I thought it was secretly great. I won't tell anyonbe