Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Kevin Connolly: The Photographer With No Legs
How an Extreme Sports Douchebag is Trying to Make You Feel Bad

I hate it when handicapped people overcome their disabilities.

Case in point, this story about smoking hot leg-less Kevin Connolly.

Don't get me wrong, I wanted to like him what with his smoldering come-hither looks and perfectly sized height (you know what I mean), but upon further inspection of this article, I've come to the conclusion that this Connolly dude is a complete ass.

"Family photos from his home in Montana show a young man camping out, rock climbing and skiing so well in his custom rig, that he won a silver medal in the January 2007 X Games."

A silver medal at the x-games? He's a rock climber and he skiis? Let's just call a spade a spade, he's a big dumb jock! Who goes to the x-games except for douchebags with something crazy to prove? I would have much more respect for him if he just went to school, rode the train home, and went to work and made something respectable of himself just like everybody else.

It gets worse however.

"I like making it difficult for people," Connolly said. "I don't want to give people the luxury of staring at someone who's weird — giving a pat on the back for some accomplishment, or for just getting through day to day — and moving on. I don't want to make it that easy for people."

That last graph is tucked away on the last page, but it is the one paragraph that tipped me off to his jerk status!

He's got no legs and now he thinks he has the right to stick around in my mind like a clever riddle, well I've got news there pal, I have things to do and families to feed. Every cripple I see I give a hearty pat on the back before scooting them on their way.

His claim to fame are of photographs he's taken of people around the world gawking at him. If I rode around the Louvre on a little skateboard with a camera, I'm sure I could get the same sort of photographs, but Connolly is apparently teaching the world something about the way we view the deformed with these photographs.

Science has proven that there is absolutely no right way to gawk at the crippled. A midget girl walked into a bar I was in last week and I couldn't stop staring at her. I stared at her as she walked past me, under me, and right around me, and I'll continue to stare no matter how many photographs Mr. X-Games up there takes of me.

Kevin Connolly is my early pick for douchebag of the year for trying desperately to make the legful world feel guiltier than it already does.

And I still want him.


I have penned a New Year editorial for Ration Reality. I encourage you to read it at your leisure.

Starbucks Barista writes against new "skinny" drinks. Which is unfortunate because it puts a damper on Starbuck's next new drink, "the dumb fat mocha latte."

Pepsi fights obesity in Mexico with video game. Too bad nobody in Mexico can afford a Nintendo. They all own the bootleg Atari rip-offs with a thousand games installed on them. Most of the "games" are variations on Pong, that's why they're all fat in Mexico.

Let's get smart: Norman Mailer on the hipster, a clarification. I'm more of an indie kid myself if you were wondering.

And my favorite story of last year: Crazy white boot camp prison guards beat down and accidentally poison a black teen in Florida, jury blames it on Sickle Cell Anemia. You best not be in Florida if you got sickle cell boy!


bagel said...

What's with the pic of him sleeping on a dog's belly?

Anonymous said...

If most people with nothing nice to say would just keep their mouths shut, this world would be a much better place!
If you more about Mr.Connolly, you
would know that he IS in school, and IS doing something constructive, even maybe thru capitalizing on his 'difference', he may not take the train, yet does use a skateboard, and he IS working on being a photographer and seems maybe to have some higher goals than you. So, the next time you feel so self righteous in verbalizing your hatred of disabled people who overcome their disabitities, maybe you might think of what you would do had you been born without legs.
Seems to me you might have your legs, but not a heart. Maybe thats your real disability! I would love to see your photo gawking at him in one of his future publications. Get a grip dude, only an ass can know an ass, and only a "douchebag", must need one.

Deviant said...

Yeah, well I still think he's a jerk off.

Too Hotty said...

How come it's always the anonymous ones that get their panties in a bunch over offensive humor?

Ooh, speaking of "offensive", I probably shouldn't say "get their panties in a bunch" since you've shown me there are people in this world who are unable to wear panties.

Anyway, I have to admit I do feel a bit bad for the guy. He may be self-righteous, but he has to balance himself on his balls all day. I'm willing to allow him one personality flaw for putting up with that.

Frank said...

Wow. Who's the real douche, here? Not only are you a douche, but you're the shallowest douche in town. He's a dumb jock because he skiis, in the Xgames? I guess that means you're a failed novelist who can't get an agent or a book deal because you blog.

Anonymous said...

Does Kevin have a penis?

Deviant said...

Listen Frank, you're the one reading my stuff, and you'll come back to read more and like it!

bagel said...

Anon, Frank,

You seem like open minded folks who like to learn new things. Would you like to learn a new word? I bet you would!

satire /ˈsætaɪər/ –noun

1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.

2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.

3. A literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit.

4.Irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity.

Havoc said...

Holy shit, bring in the firing squad. I thought what you said was offensively funny. But whatever, I guess it's fairly obvious I have no taste whatsoever.

jOjo said...

he is hot, but.... and we know that it basically all comes down to this:

a) does he have a butt?

i don't ask about the penis, because fucking jocks up the ass is what any legged man should do, and we all know it.

Deviant said...

Not only does Kevin Connolly have an ass, I bet its amazing from all the ass puckering he does to get his torso off the ground.

That nub is hot and springy.

Anonymous said...

So he does have a penis and butt. Would be cool to see him naked.