Wednesday, February 06, 2008

America's Next Top Flight Attendant
or
Inherent Fagginess


I started telling people I was going to be a flight attendant today to gauge reactions.

Most people thought I was doing it to get some cock, and the general consensus was that I shouldn't expect to get as much cock as was expected in that profession.

Becoming a flight attendant is not the end result of a logic train whose engine runs on the thought of me scoring strange cock all over America. Allegedly the life of a flight attendant is one filled with torrid one night stands with foreigners who are never mentally balanced...

"Is that what you really want Kevin?"

Is that what I really want? Its what my life is like now, douchebag.

And so my flight attendant recruiter friend urged me to do it. I weighed the pro and cons and found that the pro of getting great pay outweighed the con of serving people, the pro of killer benefits outweighed the con of being up in the air and gassy, the pro of traveling outweighed the con of telling people to fasten their belts....(and truth be told I always did want to use that little comm speaker to crack jokes).

I want to travel, there I said it. I want to travel and be able to take that experience and make it into something wonderful--something other than Flickr galleries of me next to monuments posing with my mouth agape.

My other concern lied in the inherent fagginess of the job. I mean on the gay scale of things its two edges away from interior designer and I'm personally about 15 notches away from there...

I've got Van Halen's Eruption on my iPod you know.

I came to terms with the fagginess though, and so I applied to be a flight attendant.

Coffee, tea, or this shit-eating grin?



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Notes

Have I gone on about how brilliant ABC News is yet? I think I mentioned it before. You should note that the majority of my whack ass news stories come from them.

Mother gives birth to 6 autistic kids. I've polled and it seems 2 autistic kids is the acceptable limit.

Tall man fucks midget, brags about it to ABC News. The midget gives birth to a baby, they're also both unmarried and in their teens. I think one is in love and the other settled, but I'm not telling which is which.
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4 comments:

bagel said...

Weren't the first GRID victims flight attendants? That's a fine career choice.

WDL said...

omg. thats gayer than my job.

fantastic. you'll be great. and you're bilingual. very marketable.

xo,
WDL

Too Hotty said...

"I want to travel and be able to take that experience and make it into something wonderful--something other than Flickr galleries of me next to monuments posing with my mouth agape."

Yes, we've certainly had enough of that.

More than enough.

Deviant said...

HAHAHA wtf? That is the greatest!