Thursday, February 21, 2008

Starting to Maximize Your Potential in Order To Expand Your Ass-Breeding Horizons

Sometimes I think about the two options we have for our personal lives, swinging single or committed monogamously coupled, and I get really depressed.

Its like thinking you can only be employed or unemployed....really? That's it?

I want a third viable option; the personal life equivalent of becoming a flight attendant, which is sort of like being unemployed but greatly paid and able to travel all over.

Yes, I am aware that there are people out there who think there is a third option in a permanent menage a trois, but those people are always completely idiotic and most likely Mormon (you can't spell Mormon without "Moron"). I'm very pro-monogamy , but I also like being independent, so I'm clearly in the middle state of things having not jumped into an unhappy marriage like most white suburbanites or poor latinos have.

I'm also aware of the argument that humans aren't meant to be coupled for life, but that doesn't make any sense, because if that was true then women would lay eggs.

What I'm trying to get at is this: I think planning for unforeseen monogamy as a single person in their 20's with no major potential prospects is lame, but yet I feel compelled--if I truly do see this as a goal in my life--to develop a game plan to help me appropriately trick a mate into believing I'm the best thing for them (sort of like tricking everyone I know into thinking they like my abuse).

No, I don't have a game plan yet, but I did inadvertently stumble on the greatest piece of dating advice I've ever heard of in my life in the following New York article, and it is this:

"If someone tells you he's still pining for his ex, ask the ex out."

....Wow, that's brilliant! And its something that had completely escaped me at the time. Provided I can get the exe's first last names while on a date (easily done through the following trick: "Michael.....what's his last name? I think I may know him"), I can easily find anyone on myspace or facebook, and introduce myself that way.

Thank you Internet, for expanding my potential ass breeding horizons.


Marshall Herskovitz over at slate thinks that the internet needs more whiney white drama in order to be huggable...Jewish kids from the looks of it. Those Jews and their dammed media are at it again!

Parents kill their baby due to neglect. I found their myspace pages. his and hers.

Carly Fleischman, a girl with autism, makes a breakthrough and communicates her illness effectively.

"It is hard to be autistic because no one understands me. People look at me and assume I am dumb because I can't talk or I act differently than them. I think people get scared with things that look or seem different than them."

Man, I think its great that she's able to communicate...but that is kind of a dopey thing to say. Of course people are scared at things that look different. Thanks for the insight Sartre.


bagel said...

Try freelancing.

Deviant said...

Are you calling me a whore?

David said...

You've never heard of an open relationship? Where have you been?

Deviant said...

Yes but I SAID I'm very much pro-monogamy. Open relationships are for dumb emotionally stunted hippies.