Thursday, April 03, 2008

Faceherpes
or
Yet Another Thing I Have In Common With Jeff Goldblum


For the last week or so I've been battling infected scar tissue on my face.

Allow me to explain.

Two weeks ago I became annoyed at three engorged zits growing underneath my left eyebrow, so I went to the bathroom and popped them out, bleeding and all, screaming into the depths of the bathroom wastebasket.

A week later I noticed that instead of having my weapon x-like healing factor kick in, the space the zits were on got redder and redder, worse and worse, until it was pussing and bleeding out not-unlike Jeff Goldblum's face in Cronenberg's The Fly movie.



I stopped short of crawling up walls, developing six pack abs, and barfing on my food, but the scene in front of my many mirrors was just as frightening. Thankfully, because of a suggestion by Bagel, I found some anti-infenction jelly in the office and covered my face in it, thus slaying the wound and giving me back my looks.

...but there was a short time there where I totally thought I had AIDS lesions! Worse yet though, I remember having dated Mr. Assherpes last year (he had had herpes in his ass), and I thought really hard, "can you get herpes from ejaculate..."

And then I wondered if I'd ever suffered the indignity of a late night Mr. Assherp facial cream was in the area, and whether or not this would lead to faceherpes! Though I remembered he took medications that made it hard for him to inflict that indignity, and his sexual hangups wouldn't have allowed him to go through with allt hat.

And so no herpes facials were administered, and its a known medical fact that gay people don't get AIDS lesions till they're in their 40's.

Still, the things we do to scare ourselves...like watch The Fly too many times (which has aged remarkably well might I add, Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum were practically made for each other).

2 comments:

WDL said...

omg. thats gross.

but to cheer you up, just remember today is the day we remember MLK.

i know you love civil rights.

xo,
WDL

Kevin said...

I love milk!