Friday, April 04, 2008

My Love Life part VIV
What Causes People To Kick Me Out Of Their Apartment At 4AM

"Oh who are you dating? He looks kind of cute, that's undergrad law student/pre-med/klingon speaker huh? ...Oh MY boyfriend? He works for TIME magazine, in fact he's written several cover stories"

That would be me up there talking down to you, because my date of the moment is J**** C**** actually is a Harvard grad who writes for TIME mag, and this makes your significant other looks like he swallows algea all day

...however all of this comes with a caveat, he's gone nutso on me, just like they all have.

Something alarming happens when you start to realize that the majority--or perhaps all--of your romantic relationships build towards an apex of insanity that peaks at the end of a month, and then spiral out into confusion.

This is doubly alarming when its not only happened with 20-something year olds, but also with 30 year olds, and even more alarming, with 37 year olds.

My beau is 37 and after a night spent imbibing and talking about music, he kicked me out of his apartment in an emotional display at 4 am. His reason for asking me to leave was because "he was sick" and he "wanted to desperately take me out on a proper date," (we'd hung out once a week for a month involved with quite a few fun indoor activities) my reasons for staying weren't even romantical at all, it was 4 in the morning and I was dead tired!

Still, he was high and God knows what else. I took cab money from him and went home DEAD tired, having survived yet another out of the blue emotional wreckage...

And the great thing is I think I'm used to it now. Ever since Mr. Assherpes cried after sex two times with me last year, I'm completely over getting sucked into emotional wormholes, which happen a lot.

I don't know what is it about me that causes men to become puddles of confused tears, but I'm listing what I suspect to be are my top 5 emotionally grinding foibles:

5) My advice. Which is to say my advice is great. In fact, it is SO great, and it makes SO much sense, that it sometimes feels like I'm skewering a person's psyche, piercing their soul, twisting, and telling them what they were probably didn't want to hear. Guy's usually respond to this with a blank stare and they repeat over and over again, "'re're right..."

4) I'm smarter than they are, and they're pretty smart to begin with. New beaus have to get used to being the second smarters person in the room when I'm around.

3) I look like I'm 12. I don't know about you, but being turned on by a 12 year old would creep me out, and yet here we are in bed, what the hell is wrong with you?

2) I'm not consistent. Sometimes I want to hold your hand, most of the time I want you to leave me alone. I think it keeps things interesting!

1) I distrust all white people.

Well doesn't everyone?


eric said...

anyone who is single at 37 probably has something majorly wrong with them.

the same could be said about guys who are single at 31 [like myself].

that's why i tend to gravitate towards "youthful" guys -- that is, guys who don't have 37 years of busted relationships and emotional baggage to bring to an [already nay impossible] fledgling relationship :)

on the other hand, this concept of "true romance" and "perfect love" that hollywood [and disney] have shoveled down our throats isn't really realistic in 2008 -- particularly for big-city gay boys like ourselves with short attention spans.

it should just "work", ya know? no crying after sex. no kicking you out at 4am.

bagel said...


Sorry, that just drives me nuts.

bagel said...

IX, I mean
I'm going to pay for that, arent I?

Flip X said...

Eric, that could be misconstrued as the best argument for paedophilia ever. :o) NAMBLA commends you.

Greg said...

Kevin I miss you! I'll be back to the city Wed!


I just looked at our photos from CANADA and was SHOCKED to see it said 2004! OMG 4 years ago!

I remember that night!

Kevin said...

OMG I wish I was a pedophile like you Eric, things would be SO much easier.

And second of all.....FLY G admitting that he misses me!? On my blog? Wow I'm touched fag!

Ladies and gentlemen, Fly G!

Greg said...

Believe it or not, I could not remember the name of your blogspot blog - I thought it was so the only thing I could search for was FLYG and kevin and amnesia sparkles and I found it in there somewhere


Kevin said...

Mwahaha My anonimity serves me well then. I have to stop trashing you on my blog now tho G :(