Friday, May 02, 2008

Hug A Joo Day
or
Remembering The Holocaust In Hug Form

Today is a very special day according to my Facebook calendar [which is a feature that I just made up right now].

...No it isn't law day which was yesterday and nobody knew about it except CNN who condescendly asked if ANYONE out there knew it was Law Day, they had an alleged online poll asking this question. My Hawaiian themed calendar at home displays Law Day as Lei Day, but I digress...

Today is Hug-A-Jew day, which goes alongside Holocaust Rememberance day. I would prefer to Hug a Jew than remember the Holocaust, because the Holocaust was just so messy.

In order to hug your Jew, you must first find a legitimate one, the Jewier the better because the more Jew they are then the more they will resist your hug [which is half the fun].

Hassidic Jew hugs are rare but may result in needless violence, so I may resort to just hugging a Kosher Jew.

Once you have located your Jew, you must apply a back breakin hug to his or her midsection, the ideal position would have your knees in a crouched position and your cheeck against the torso. While in this position, hug your Jew until you near a snap or three from the lower back of your Jew.

If your Jew yells do not let them go immediately, as part of Hug a Jew day is reliving the horrors of the Holocaust in hug form. You may let go of your Jew after 2 minutes of deadly embrace.

You know you have been successful when you take two steps back and notice that your Jew has a look of pained anger on their face. Well done.

10 comments:

bagel said...

I lol'd.

bagel said...

Who will you hug? Did you make Jewservations?

Kevin said...

Scott is sick, fucking ass. So I will hug-kill David http://someoneinatree.com/ tonight at the premiere of Iron Man!

Too Hotty said...

Am I Jewy enough? I get mistaken for Irish Catholic sometimes.

Also, AS a Jew, am I required to hug another Jew or just to receive hugs?

Kevin said...

You are jewy enough but you're sick, so no hugs for you.

Jews shouldn't hug other Jews...like EVER. That isn't allowed.

Cooper said...

oh my g-d, i totally missed hug-a-jew day!

i'm only a faux-jew, so do i get to hug a real jew, or can i receive hugs?

WDL said...

i am so glad i live in chicago far from your clutches.

xo,
WDL - Jewiest Jew of all.

sOYlent Ape said...

That explains all the hugs I got Friday. I thought it was just my magnetic personality!

Remember, if you hug a Hasidic, throw a sheet over him first. It's just good manners!

David said...

Your hug was totally lame.

Kevin said...

Cooper: Since you aren't a real jew, you are allowed to hug jews but only on hug a jew day.

WDL: Liar!

Soy: That's a good tip for hugging the Hassidic's. I'd like to add that the sheet should also completely cover the head.

David: Shh I have a rep to uphold.