Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Breaking Cameras With My Ass
or
Health Advice/Criticism With FlyG

I'm proud to say that I've gone almost 7 months without breaking or losing my cell phone and my iPod, which is a mini-miracle for me judging from all the situations I find myself in.

I did manage to sit on and destroy my digital camera's LCD screen during this Sunday's Pride festivities, turning my little kodak snap and view into a ghetto camera that can take pictures with no previews.

This is what I get for having an unusually large latin ass.

Strike that, i actually haven't seen my ass in a real long time, and I mean REALLY seen it. I've been doing the jogging thing and I can only imagine that it now resembles something that can be found on a human being.

Fly G grabbed my feeble arm one time while we were out drinking and gave me a look of despair, the same look you give to someone with down syndrome who tells you they want to be a pilot when they grow up.

"You could do weights and bulk up."

Bulk up? Bulking up is something that is against all that I stand for; it would clash horribly with the smart-alecky image I've been cultivating for myself for the last 9 or so years...

Naturally, I took these criticisms from my good friend like anyone would.

"Well you have a fucking belly," I told Fly G.

And to be honest it just protrudes slightly from one too many sandwhiches, but if my arms are flaccid, then you've got the figure of a somalian toddler with distended stomach.

2 comments:

im'mature said...

You're not posting as much as you used to, Kevin. Have you found happiness and contentment? o_O!

Kevin said...

no I'm still pretty miserable. Thanks for asking though. I'll try to update more.