Monday, August 25, 2008

Dispatches From A Third World Food Economy
Food Is Everything

I feel like one Sunday several weeks ago I decided to stay in and stuff myself full of food, and that this didn't stop as it naturally does by the end of Sunday, and I've kept doing it since today.

Ahhh food, my one weakness (besides the heroin), both my fatal flaw and source of joie in this de vivre.

Truth be told, its never the meals that do you in, its all the shit in between, and by shit I don't mean literal feces, but rather all the little things you allow yourself to pick up in the dollar bodega:

Hawaiian Punch

I can't help it, this stuff appeals to my demographic, young son-of-an-immigrant, you'd understand if you were me but you're not, you're white and worried about the world economy...

I actually am worried as well, but its not the Economy-economy, its actually the food-economy.

Food is getting expensive. It feels like I'm one step away from a Mad Max in Thunderdome style world of sand dunes and gang leaders who look like Tina Turner. Why just this last weekend I went to a locale street festival and was charged $10 for a nasty cheesteak sandwhich (though it is a possibility that I was ripped off by locale assholes).

I'm almost jealous of Fly G who recently moved into a less-than-middle class Astoria location, you should see the dumps they call supermarkets there, the aisles lined with cheap Dr. Pepper soda knock offs in dirty plastic liters (only $1.99!!!).

I have to suffer through the horrors of an overpriced label grocery store with do-it-yourself cash registers supervised by midgets (I kid you not) and the mentally ill.

I'm kidding about the mentally ill employs at the supermarket, but I swear the local Hallmark gift shop has employed two mentally retarded adults, our exchanges are always VERY awkward.


Anonymous said...

I've not been around in a while Kevin. WHAT A FUCKING WHORE AM I!!! My apologies. I've been busy being white and worried about the global economy and of course, my vagina.

You're still wonderfully skewed and adroit at life's little grotesque John Waters. I've always appreciated that about you. You're so very, very funny.

Now if you'll excuse me, you son of an immigrant, I must continue on with my writing. I'm penning a one woman show called "The Vagina Monistat". It's about a soulful conversation I have with my snatch about various and assorted fungal infestations. the fun begins when my twat talks back and all smart mouthed and shit. That's when I give it a fat lip.

Ouch already.

Tootles Sugar Tits,

Kevin said...

Hi Laurie! Don't be such a stranger!