Monday, September 15, 2008

Resetting Civilization
or
A Disenfranchised Hillary Clinton Non-Voter Speaks Up


Banks, schmanks!

You think I'm worried about our economy? NAaaah, this is the backbone of capitalism. Communists tell me that Chinese citizens have it better.

Really? China? Well China also has SARS and those little paper masks. Does China own the moon? No way, America does.

This same situation we're facing now in reality I have faced before while playing Civilization. Texas was flooded, New Orleans was long gone, I was fighting a dumb war, and then I lost all my money. I wisely chose to erase my data, turn off my portable, and chuck it across the room while cursing.

I'm doing the same here, just starting over, pretending it didn't happen, and starting a new civilization. This sadly means I have to take my money out of the bank and move to Alaska. Maybe I'll move to that island at the end of the bridge to nowhere, I hear they get a lot of funding there.

I'd love to think I can up and move out of the country like a liberal, but the thought of living with non-white people is a little terrifying (I know British people are white but they're TOO white, Americans are just-white-enough).

America is full of inbreds and ignoramuses (ignoramus-i?) but the world is even shittier, trust me I've been there.

If you can't trust American banks, then could you really trust a crazy foreign bank that doesn't speak any english to you? Its easier said than done.

Taking my beautiful Civilization metaphor even further, why don't a couple of young hopefuls take to the seas and find a land that we can settle so that we can get away from America, but still kind of be like them (we can slaughter all the natives beforehand of course).

I'm thinking Obama fans would fill that boat nicely.

Speaking of which, as a disenfranchised Hillary supporter who won't be voting this election (deep down I know you know that's right), I'm very offended that newscasters have taken to asking Hillary fans whether they won't vote for Obama because he's black.

Why don't they poll Obama supporters to ask them whether they're supporting him because he's black, because he sure as hell has said some stupid things (case in point: "I'm voting for FISA, but I don't like it" "Marriage is between a man and a woman" Ummmm yay?)

I tell you why they don't ask that, because newscasters are reverse racists, and I'll tell you why McCain picked that moosehead bimbo as his VP, because he and his party are bitter sexists, and just because Palin married an eskimo does not automatically absolve her from the accusations that she hates eskimos.

Eskimoist.

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