Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Vampires Today
MY Review of True Blood, HBO's New Hard Hitting Series Written by a Gaylord

I watched HBO's True Blood episode yesterday because I'd missed the premiere.

Overall it wasn't bad, but it was riddled with generic TV conventions, vis a vis, the "let's explain the state of this world via an obvious cutaway shot of someone being interviewed on TV." I'd expect it from Joss Whedon but not from the people who brought you "Six Feet Under" which was supposed to be amazing TV...

I suppose, like the rest of my life, that I've been spoiled by a previously superb experience. This ain't the The Wire, fine fine, but it also t'ain't Xena, so let's get into the good parts of the show.

The psychic subplot; call me crazy but I dug it. If you're going to start questioning why someone is a psychic in a world full of vampires, then you're just an asshole. Fine, I like that the main heroine of this tale can read people's thoughts.

Two boys in this show are great, namely the main vampire love interest who can only muster up the threatening demeanor of a small bald poodle, and "the slut brother" who looks like he'd be a welcome rape in the backwoods of Georgia (assuming that Georgia has woods, because it certainly has rape).

Vampire sex. That looks incredible. There is enough danger and enough intrigue there to be comparably kinky and disgusting. I'll keep a look out for that.

Now for all the bad things.

The women on the show are horrible and ugly. The main character has gap teeth and [I kid you not] she has a sassy black best friend who is a total bitch with a heart of gold. Someone please bite this wretched stereotype.

The pacing is slow, retard slow, and this is a show about sex and vampires, why not just thrust us into the world instead of taking a conventional exposition route?

Also, the vampires are weaklings and I hope they don't spend too much time painting them as victims.

That's as far as my critique goes, but I think I'll stick around for the second episode for the nudity and because I'm paying something like 40 dollars for HBO, I might as well get something out of it beyond endless OnDemand viewings of Hot Fuzz.


David said...

What's the quality of the nudity? Is it more than tits and girl-ass, or boring bare-chested men that you can see anywhere?

Too Hotty said...

David -- "... or boring bare-chested men that you can see anywhere?" LIKE ON YOUR BLOG?? j/k j/k you are cool.

Kev -- I have to check this show out. Thanks for making jabs at Joss Whedon and Xena considering those are pretty much the only things I watch ever.

Kevin said...

Oh the quality is decent, but you don't see major ween. Its kind of on the level of a late night skinemax movie.

I take jabs at those series because I love them! Same with intervention.