Sunday, October 19, 2008

Vucking Fampires!
or
When Is A Vampire Not A Vampire

I'm giving up on HBO's True Blood.

First of all, that stupid redneck diner with the queer, sluts, and sassy black girl is starting to piss me off. It is a place that I do not want to go back to ever

That particular setting notwithstanding, I'm just peeved off at that one staple of recent vampire dramas that has become cliche; the denial of legit vampire lore.

Its just a big pet peeve of mine seeing a movie where a crucifix doesn't affect a vampire, and the vampire goes "oh haha that's cute, you believed those stories..."

Fuck you! Vampires are the undead soldiers of Satan! They can't survive in the sunlight, they hate garlic, they hate crucifixes, and they have to be invited into your house to come in. You're allowed to drop one or maybe two of those stories, but to have your vampires running around no worse off than fetishists is just sad.

And that's the other thing, the metaphors in that show are confused. In the X-Men movies its pretty clear that the mutants are stand-ins for homosexuals and minorities...but the vampires in True Blood are modeled after what exactly?

My best guess is they're a metaphor for leather bear fisting enthusiasts, or interracial-ly inclined black people who happen to be serial killers.

I'm losing hope for vampires. I just saw the trailer for Twilight and it looks like more of the same Lion-man bullshit (roar? Really "ROAR?" They should be screeching damnit!)

There is hope in one movie that I've only seen a preview of, and it is Let The Right One In, and I hear it is a sweet/creepy thriller about a child vampire who meets a little boy. Notice how she tells him that he must invite her into his house before she can come in. Yes yes!

Oh and I just noticed that someone spontaneously combusts when the sun shines through a hospital window. I'm so there!

-Deviant

6 comments:

im'mature said...

Creepy children are in all the good horror films. I'll have to add that to my summer viewing list.

Too Hotty said...

Ooh, that looks super good! Swedish makes men sexier, but all I saw were kids, though.

Yeah, True Blood and Stephenie Meyer are definitely making vampires entirely lame.

David said...

So I guess dogma isn't just for religious fanatics anymore?

Kevin said...

Hey players, I just heard from my homie in the IT department that "Let The Right One In" will be playing at the Angelika right here in the big apple. Don't miss that shit!

Keep it real brothers.

chad said...

I've been enjoying True Blood but i gotta say it's not about gays or straights but really an examination of the crystal meth epidemic both gay AND straight. I get advance screeners at work and the next few episodes definitely pick up and crazy ass shit starts to go down. don't give up yet . . .

Kevin said...

Hmm well maybe I'll do a fast forward style viewing of the last two episodes I've missed since they're sitting in my OnDemand menu not doing anything and costing me money!