Sunday, November 30, 2008

Bag Boy Uses Common Sense
or
What Academy Award Nominated Movies Have Taught Me: Part 1

Did you hear about this bag boy who returned $10,000 he found in the bathroom of the supermarket he works in?

The story just irks the hell out of me because its being presented with all of the...what's the right word? It's being presented with all the GLOMP of a feel-good-do-gooder piece.

But let's be honest here, if you or I found $10,000 lying on the floor of where we work, we'd hand that money over to the closest human being as fast as possible. That shit is drug money, or its blood money...whatever you want to call it, someone is always dead over $10,000 in cash, and if they aren't dead, then I don't want to know about it.

I saw No Country For Old Men, I KNOW not to fuck with cash like that:



If you hand over a wallet that is full of $200 and a couple of credit cards, THAT'S honorable, but handing over $10,000 you've found on the bathroom floor of where you work at is about as 'honorable' as getting out of the way of a fast moving car.

Someone brandished a gun on the sidewalk as I was walking home from school as a kid and I managed NOT to get shot at; where is my CNN fluff piece?

Listen to this, one other time I managed to successfully run the fuck away from a deranged person on the subway train. I'm such a hero right? Wait till you hear how I avoided getting into the middle of a gang war! Get ABC news on the phone stat! I have their lead story for the 8 o clock news:

I didn't drink milk that was past its expiration date!

...fuuuuuck you, hero!

-Deviant <---click there if you aren't reading this on the blogspot site.

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