Thursday, October 15, 2009

Stupid Couple Tricks

Today I learned that Peter Criss of Kiss has survived breast cancer, an event that has just now successfully rocked my face.

In keeping with the spirit of stupid, I feel compelled to share a bit of belated news.

I have moved to Brooklyn! Not only have I moved to Brooklyn, I have moved Williamsburg-ish.

If you do not know, I will fill you in. Williamsburg is the mecca of hipsterya, the epicenter of irony and silly performance fashion. Everyone here wears purple pants and listens to bands you've never heard of, and when you hear of those bands, they stop listening to them and complain that the band is awful and has sold out.

Brooklyn--I spent so much time here before, I have a great many friends who live here--it's FUN, so why hadn't I moved here before?

I blame inertia. It happens to the best of us. I wasn't happy in Astoria, but I wasn't miserable. Then my grandmother died (see below) and I came back with a purpose.

I lived with more than two people, and two people is one too many. It was a few months back when one of my roommates decided to move in his boyfriend without informing me. Already this was annoying, but let's consider the size of his room. I had a large room, sprawling even, and he had the dingiest room in the house. Somehow via some reasoning unknown to me, this roommate of mine and his boyfriend believed that it was perfectly reasonable to have the both of them move into this dingy space...a space that I would not even give to a Vietnamese orphan.

I'm a romantic! I'm an advocate of the Disney film Beauty & The Beast, but there must be a stop to the self-abuse of mutual misery, the apex of which was revealed to me in this story about the Vegas sewer people

The couple at the top of that story mystified me as I adjusted my glasses in front of my computer. Why are we tolerating people in or near our generation coupling with disastrous results? There should be interventions for couples before we start relying on forced abortions as one of my friends advocated. These people are not joining in celebration, they are falling into a hole and dragging the nearest body into oblivion!

This couple I was now living with had all the charm of an empty parking lot. They laughed like hyenas on helium. The uglier one of two got in my way when I wanted to shower in the morning!

That wasn't really enough to push me towards a move, but then our kitchen became overrun with roaches. Roaches that wouldn't leave, roaches we couldn't kill! I swear I had to carry a flamethrower to kill their queen (I found a small human child abandoned in their lair).

And just like that I'm in Brooklyn. A certain part of me misses their nuisance, the part which tells me that it's a great idea to re-watch Arachnophobia on netflix, and then I can't sleep at night.



"the" Mrs. Astor said...

Good Lord...I don't know what scares me the most: That there are venomous spiders or that The Sun is reporting this when CNN should be.

Kevin said...

They grow like facehuggers down there.