Saturday, November 28, 2009

New Rule: We Are Allowed to Punch Strange Kids In The Face If They Bother Us

I've spent the majority of this Thanksgiving at my friend's house in Boston on his couch passed out watching movies, eating turkey, playing some random video games, and watching my back fat develop into a comfortable portable cushion.

The Thanksgiving hangover is starting to settle throughout the household and America at large, millions of gym machines are heard screaming in agony in unison.

(I can smell the bacon for this morning's breakfast, good Dog when does this torture end?)

I've learned something unrelated to food this Thanksgiving though. I don't think a parent should hit their child, but I think we should be allowed to punch a kid real hard in the face provided that you're a stranger and they start hitting you out of the blue.

Look, I understand that children (boy's in particular) have a confused bout of aggression at around age 10, and they might not recognize that I'm significantly older thant hey are due to my cherubic face, but if I'm lying down on the couch and you're kicking me "playfully" I am in the universal right to punch your ribcage real hard.

Back home in Los Angeles some neighborhood kids were "playfully" hounding me as I was doing laundry, please bear in mind that I was around 19 at the time and the kids were maybe 12.

I feel it is an important lesson and should be thanked for kicking the shit out of those kids until they went crying home; do not mess with things bigger than you. Their simpleton mom chose to come to my mom and complain, in which case my mom looked at this woman and told her to "get out of my door, my son is 19 and your kids should know better."

Parents, protect your children against face punching with the same vigor you protect them against diddling, and all will be right with this world.


1 comment:

David said...

Words to live by.