Tuesday, February 16, 2010

A Night with FlyG In Three Acts: Act 1 Inclusivity
The eBay Monster

Fly G and I talked had dinner at our favorite location in New York, Spice restaurant. Spice offers cheap thai food with overpriced drinks and trashy ambiance so we are naturally attracted to it like flies on honey.

In case you've forgotten, FlyG is one of my best friends in the city who I've known for the longest time. He's attracted to "black ghetto thug men who are clean" (his words not mine) and he is a racist, like his father, but unlike his father he...you know...does black guys.

I was playing with my food as I watched FlyG tinker with his newly unlocked iPhone. "Check this out," he squealed, "it tells you where the nearest guys are by how many feet they are," he points at a torso in a 2 inch by 2 inch square, "this one says 10 feet."

I instinctively look behind me. Two dudes sitting and eating, none of them looks like a torso, I look at FlyG again.

"I've heard of Grindr," I informed him.

FlyG went back to his phone and I went back to staring blankly at him. It is astonishing to me how he doesn't regard the presence of other people like this. I sometimes wish I had the same ability but my mother hammered in me a form of superhuman politeness. I am at once aware and concerned with what everyone in a room is feeling.

"I used to have an iPod touch before I got too drunk at my birthday and lost it. I had like 50 apps on there." I said to FlyG. "Do you use the ebay app? I know you like going on there to buy and sell things."

"Oh I don't use ebay anymore. Too many scammers, the site is untrustworthy I feel," Fly G responded. I was taken aback because he had sold a couple of my leftover belongings from my move to Brooklyn on ebay not too long ago. "100 DOLLARS BABY!" He said at the time.

"Ebay scammers? Really? How do you scam on ebay?" I asked.

At this moment FlyG leaned in to make things clearer for me. "It's easy. You put up something to sell, then you get the address of the winning bidder, then you send an envelope to the wrong address..."

"Hold on a second," I said. "You scammed people on ebay?"
"So when you said you quit ebay because of ebay scammers, you were talking about yourself? You're the scammer."
"I made over $1,000 over it last year," FlyG boasted, "You just send a blank envelope to the wrong address, it bounces back to you, when the customer complains and they investigate they only find the zip code was correct. You sent it to the right zip code therefore you did your part and the customer can't complain about you again!"
"You're a monster."

I can't lie in this case, I was impressed, I don't think anyone writes a How-To guide for scamming people on eBay but yet here we were...

(end of act 1)


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