Friday, March 19, 2010

Getting A Haircut
~or~
The Hair Confidence of the Harajuku

I would say I'm an eloquent person.

I can only say that about myself because you couldn't call me eloquent because it would make you a racist; going around implying Hispanics aren't eloquent and I am, it's offensive.

I'm pretty eloquent and I can describe a great deal of things. I've been published and I've been writing on here for years, so you'd think I'd be the one person you know who could most successfully tell my barber how I want my hair cut.

Wrong.

For years I've had no idea how to answer the question, "how do you want your hair?" My answer to that question is to wave my hands around my dome and say, "short."

I suspect I'm not the only one who struggles because I don't know anyone with complete and total hair confidence. You know the type? They're usually on the subway train, they're lithe, most likely Japanese, and they have hair like a peacock. Everyone see's them and thinks to themselves how great that hair is, and they stand confidently because they know this is true.

These hair confident people are another species. If you know me then...sorry...you do not have hair confidence, you have amazing strengths in other ways, you are intelligent, handsome, pretty, witty, maybe you're funny...you're a myriad of wonderful things.

You have no hair confidence though, we are not in the hair confidence clique.

Upon writing this I remember I did date someone who had hair confidence. He had a revolutionary haircut, long and parted just right, it was long and complimented his great horse face.

"Oh he's cute!" I'd hear

Well he was, and he was also crazy. My brief encounter with a hair confident person and I hated him and his hair. He was intelligent enough but it was chaotic and untrained, he would dip into the worst stereotype of a brooding emo kid...

And now, as I continue to talk about this, I remember a SECOND hair confident person of my past.

He cried.

He cried a lot.

Nuts to them. I told my barber recently exactly what I wanted, "I want it very short on the sides and on the back but leave all of my hair on top."

I wanted to look like a freak. When my barber stopped and I put my glasses back on to check out my hair, I noted that it looked like how I like my hair to look right before the barber cuts off too much and I hate it.

"Perfect."

I walked out happy and with no hat so at least I wasn't hair shamed. I'm still not in the league of a typical Harajuku Boy but who wants to be? The Harajuku kids have single handedly sapped all sympathy I had for the bombing Japan (damn their hair).

-Deviant

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