Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I Change My Mind On Male Shades of Sexuality
~or~
The Secret Tranny

Today I changed my mind.

This rarely happens, I mean to change your mind, not just decide you're going to do one thing then do another, but to tell yourself that a previously held belief was incorrect and that your new belief is now a lot more in tune with who you are as a person.

Today I thought to myself, "male sexuality isn't as rigid as I originally thought. It isn't either straight nor gay, there really are whole types of fucked up behavior."

I first gained this kernel of truth last weekend as I was having brunch with Fly G and several of his friends.

Across the table was a boy I'd met before with Fly G. He was attractive but shy, when he spoke. You would have to lean into him to hear every word he said.

Fly G entertained us with a story about how he had pissed all over the back of a cab one night ("It was a low point for me") and when he was done it was time to order our drinks. We all ordered unlimited drink specials except for our shy friend who ordered iced tea.

After our shy friend excused himself to go to the bathroom Fly G explained to us that Mr. Shy Guy had been sober, "hasn't had one drink in five years." Shy guy wasn't so shy in discussing how sober he was when he came back. Seeing as how open he was being Fly G related more of shy guy's story.

Apparently shy guy was a flight attendant and on one layover they'd gone to see him in his hotel room to ask if he wanted to go out. When he answered the door he was wearing a woman's wig and a dress. "He looked like the scary girl in the Ring videotape."

"Samara the witchy girl?" someone asked.
"No."
"The woman brushing her hair?"" I asked.
"Yes!" was his reply
"She looked kind of matronly," someone else said.
"Well yeah that's what he looked like!" Fly G answered.

Apparently he acted like a whole different person, "he was all flustered and making big hand signs and had a high voice, oooh ooh I can't go out I have guests coming!" Fly explained that the guests in question were men Mr. Shy Guy had invited over the internet to come over.

"This is fascinating," someone said as we stared incredulously at shy guy."

Mr. Shy smiled and pushed several buttons on his iPhone. As Fly G continued to tell us about Mr. Shy's personality as a woman Mr. Shy handed me his iPhone where I was staring at a faceless picture of him as a goth chick. He was wearing a tight blouse shirt with a pink mini-skirt and black stockings.

"Well you don't look so bad here," I told him.

Apparently Mr. Shy would invite these guests over. They were frequently straight males who knew that he was a man but who wanted to be fucked by him dressed as a female. "And they're HOT too," Fly G specified, "we were going out like chumps to come back home alone drunk and he was doing guys in his room every night dressed as a girl. I don't even know what your neighbors think of you with all of the strange men coming through your door."

Mr. Shy opened up when he saw we didn't go Christian-conservo on his ass, we were giggling in delight actually. "One time I opened my door and saw a guy I thought I was meeting, I was in full wig and dress and I waved him to come into my room. He looked really scared and ran away. I found out later this was a neighbor's son who was just in the building to visit his mother."

This was the catalyst for changing my mind. Afterwards I talked to people on a popular news aggregator and heard from straight men who liked dick, gay men who had fooled around with women, and guys who liked getting done up the pooper by lesbians who wore strap ons.

So I changed my mind; there are hitherto unforeseen levels of screwed up male sexuality that make me, quite frankly, look like Martha-fucking-Stewart on sleeping pills.

This is not to say that we should have no labels--perish the thought--this just means we need WAY MORE labels than we previously believed, granted I do consider myself a label whore.

-Deviant

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