Tuesday, April 06, 2010

I'm Not Crazy
The Roughly 4 1/2 Days of Sodom

One of the central concerns when trying to grow up is figuring out whether or not you are sane. You can't possibly become what society refers to as a "responsible adult" if you are indeed a lunatic.

For the last week since my last entry I was attempting to try and figure out if I had a pre-existing condition preventing adulthood. If anyone deserves adulthood, it's me.

Had I jumped the gun on my initial assessment about needing a therapist? Was I too crazy to get into a cocoon and emerge an over the hill butterfly?

Circle of Manias

It was Fly G's birthday as I joined him and his closest friend J_____ for dinner. J______ is a mean girl in male form; lithe, fresh faced, white trash evolved, with an upturned nose, he is Fly G's raging ego whom Fly G dated during the Mesozoic era. J_____ met us with a boy in turn, his "boy of the week" according to Fly G. I wished Fly G a happy birthday as we walked to our dinner spot. The boy and J______ walked in lock step and whispered unsavory nothings in the other's ear as we entered the restaurant.

Once there we took our seats.

The unnamed boy grappled onto J_____ as if the world was a spinning top. I suspected the boy was untrained in the ways of lust and mania, Fly G had seen similar delusions before.

"Where'd you two meet?" I asked.
"Manhunt?" Fly G interrupted
They were silent and enthralled with each other, and it was made clear that they would remain enthralled with each other throughout the birthday dinner where they were not the center of attention.

"Who else is coming?" I asked Fly G
"Jose." He answered
"Oh fuck Jose," I said. The unnamed boy looked at me and I explained, "We don't like Jose, he's a bit trash."
"He wasn't that bad last time we all hung out, he was almost tolerable," J_____ said.

We waited for Jose and soon enough the unnamed boy had to excuse himself to use the bathroom.

Fly G started the interrogation:

"So does he have a big cock?" Fly G said.
'Huge' replied J______
"Like sucking on it?" replied Fly G
'It's good'
"How big is it? Show me with your hands"
J______ expressed a robust looking size that wavered between tree trunk impressive and 'not bad for a white guy' as the champagne coursed through his veins.
"Does it hurt going in? Is it fat?" Fly G asked.
"I wouldn't know." J____ said.

The unnamed boy came back as I sipped on my drink and looked at Fly G who had taken off his jacket revealing a necklace studded with bling and shaped like a key.

Circle of Shit

It was two days after Fly G's birthday dinner and we sat at a familiar bar we always accuse of slipping us mickeys (they're just actually generous with their alcohol).

We'd taken a walk around the park during that day where it was 80 degrees and everyone came out but unfortunately that also meant that all the douches were out.

We ordered and sat, and I heard the following story from Fly G's friend;

"Oh I get off on having guys circlejerk on me. I'm serious, I have a black book full of names, and they are listed by city. When I land in a city I go to the hotel, I check my book, and I call them all up. They show up and they jerk off until they go on my face...It's so hot! I think it's a submission thing."

Fly G and I thought for a milisecond before we both asked questions:

Me: "Do they touch each other?"

"NO! It's all about me"

Fly G: "Do you say things while it's happening?"

"No more than usual."

I thought about it and resolved it, "well no one is getting hurt right? It seems like you're having some relatively safe fun."

Although I don't think I said the above as I remembered that he had also previously suggested we all visit the Rambles, a practice that hasn't been considered safe since the 60's.

Circle of Blood

It was the night of Fly G's birthday dinner when Jose arrived 40 minutes late. Jose looks like John Leguizamo if John Leguizamo was hit in the face with the ugly stick until his face was locked in a fake grin full of cerebral palsy.

I hate him because of the fact that any decent intellectual person SHOULD hate pure evil. You would hate pure evil if you met it, and pure evil is willful ignorance, would you not agree?

Fly G sat between Jose and I

"Hi Jose!!" I said
"Hi Kevin!!" was his reply.

After a few more silenced stares into our menus J_____ broke the silence, "Well aren't we an interesting bunch...you know the dynamic of the table?"

Fly G and I looked up at him, then back down to our menus.

After we ordered Fly G remembered he had cigarettes to smoke, and because he had a pack then J_____ would follow and the unnamed boy.

"Play nice you two," FLy G said to me and Jose.

And we sat alone, and then we looked at each other, and I broke the ice with conversation because this particular burden falls on me 100A% of the time.

What's new with you Jose?

"I've gotten into Special K," he said, "Man I was into it so much, last week I was in a k-hole though. I've been in trouble though because I hit my boyfriend. He's only 17...and I feel bad. Still that's because that's the Evil me, you know? I got that side of me that comes out, it's fucked up man.I just gotta have fun you know "

He hesitated.

"Do you have any drugs with you?" he asked.


Eureka, I think. I've learned something...

I don't need therapy.



Anonymous said...

now that was just lovely. thanks.

[ im'mature ] said...

Jose looks like John Leguizamo if John Leguizamo was hit in the face with the ugly stick until his face was locked in a fake grin full of cerebral palsy.